Surprises, Trusting God, and just the next thing

I've been strangely quiet, and I've got a very good reason. About a month ago, we received a massive surprise, and it's taken this long to wrap our brains around it.

Yes, that's right. Pregnant. Again. As my friend Heather said once, "Good Googly Moogly!" I could have fainted right there in the toilet. I don't know what it is with me, public toilets, and positive pregnancy tests, but I'm starting to believe that maybe you CAN get pregnant from toilet seats??? Just kidding.

The truly ironic thing is, I was only taking a test to make sure I was clear for my contraceptive injection later that week. I'd gone to the chemist, dropped off the prescription, grabbed a test, and ducked out to the toilet next door. The irony of having to explain to the chemist that you don't need that script after all, while your two oldest children are racing in circles around the shop, squealing gleefully and alternatively, ripping apart a jelly bean display - is unmistakable. The lovely woman offered me a drink of water and a seat, because I think I was pale as a sheet.

This was so not on our radar. We really felt a sense of completion after M was born. We really didn't want another child.

And yet...

The second this became the new reality, I have never wanted a baby as much as I want this one.

Am I scared? Absolutely. M's birth just all but destroyed my lady parts. I've still got ongoing complications related to that debacle. Four children? We need a bigger car, can we afford it? Where will we put all these children? Boy? Girl? I'll have a kindergartener, a preschooler, a toddler, and a newborn next year. I'm supposed to host the family Christmas this year! I've not even fully recovered from having M. And so on, and so on.

And yet...

This baby may not have been part of our plan. But he or she was part of God's plan. And that is enough for me. He or She is a blessing from the Lord, pure and simple. I praise Him for all my children, no matter how 'convenient' it might be. I trust in His plans, which are infinitely better than my own.

As for the question of how I will cope? I read on a blog - and I wish I could remember where - that a mother of several young children who was at the supermarket checkout was asked the same question - "How ever do you manage??", to which she thoughtfully replied "I just do the next thing". And it's stuck with me. If I start to go down the worry path, I lose sight of the immediate blessing that this is. If I open that door marked "Tomorrow", I forget to enjoy today.
So today, I am going to enjoy my husband, my three beautiful girls, and the little one growing in my womb.

XO,
Sarah